ALTERNATIVES TO MARRIAGE: Ben Dykes

Ben, btw, teaches philosophy at Minnesota State University

Much of the territory we have been covering is typical of the way most civil rights arguments proceed, until the opponents (here of gay marriage) have to lay their cards on the table. I think this blog has matured to that decision point. After the dust of the initial flurry of statistics, fine legal points, and logical analysis clears, two things happen to make the basic position of the opponents plain:

First, those with the civil right just say some variant of “no.” When Maggie and others are asked repeatedly to make a positive contribution and suggest what equivalent alternatives gay couples might have, they basically say, “I don’t know what will work. It isn’t my problem. But marriage isn’t for you.” Usually this is combined with dogmatic assurances of cultural catastrophe, because they haven’t been able to show how it would actually happen on the day-to-day level.

Then come the self-praising purple passages (like what Dan recently wrote) about how those who have the civil right have rightfully been at the center of all civilization anyway. The same things were said about whites, men, Gentiles, you name it. Maggie can deny it, but it is in fact an appeal to cultural
superiority, combined with condescension at those who just don’t understand.

Maggie, you don’t have to say “we are the greatest” in order to act culturally superior. You can simply turn every discussion into a description of yourself. It’s like someone at a party who monopolizes the conversation: try to break in and become part of the group, and he/she says, “well, I don’t know about that; but let me tell you more about me.” Even on a blog about gay marriage, gay relationships and well-being are hardly even the topic. Instead, everything usually turns back to praising heterosexuality, evincing concern for heterosexual relationships,
gay contributors trying to assure heterosexual opponents, and obsessions with that old heterosexual – not homosexual – institution and bugaboo: polygamy. Opponents of gay marriage: slow down, take a breath, and try to listen. Not everything is about you. You don’t have to keep talking about yourself.

Opponents of gay marriage cannot have it both ways. You cannot say both “I don’t want to keep gay people down” and “They do not belong in the basic social institutions.” You cannot both say you
care about human well-being, and that it’s not your problem that gay people want to be part of the program. The price of denying marriage rights is that you have to say that you’ll accept a class of people who are permanent second-class citizens, and that you don’t really care what arrangements they have so long as they’re quiet and accept their lot. Are any opponents of gay marriage here ready to take that final step?
posted by maggie at 10:54 AM | link

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