THE MYTH OF GAY PROMISCUITY: Maggie responds to Dale

Dale, there is an increasing air of unreality to your remarks on this issue. I do not have all of the research you cite here in my home, but I do have one--a copy of Phillip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz book American Couples. So I took a look at what it has to say about non-monogamy among gay men, husbands, and cohabiting guys. This is taken from page 269-274:

"Many gay men do not care if their partner is monogamous. If a gay man is monogamous, he is such a rare phenomenon, he may have difficulty making himself believed."

When asked, whether it is important is it that you yourself be monogamous, 75 percent of husbands in this sample (not nationally representative btw, for either straights or gays) said yes, as did 62 percent of male cohabitors, compared to 36 percent of gay men in couple relationships.

Askied if there had been any instances of non-monogamy in their relationship, 26 percent of husbands said yes, compared to 33 percent of male cohabitors and 82 percent of gay men.

How many outside partners? 7 percent of husbands had 20 or more outside partners, compared to 4 percent of male cohabitors and 43 percent of gay men. By contrast 29 percent of husbands had been non-monogamous only once compared to 36 percent of male cohabitors and 7 percent of gay men.

Looking only at partners who had been together ten years or more (the most stable), 30 percent of husbands had experienced at least one instance of non-monogamy, compared to 47 percent of male cohabitors, and 94 percent of gay men in couple relationships.

Of course you are right this data is not hard. We have almost no nationally representative research on gay men of any kind. But it is a repeated and rather well-confirmed phenomenon that sexual fidelity appears to be less core (and may even be counterproductive although that is more controversial) to sustaining long-term domestic partnerships between men.

Again, I am not arguing that homosexuals are a special class of naughty people, too naughty for marriage. I am arguing that the basis for sustaining long-term relationships between men appear to be radically different than the those that help bridge the sex divide. Calling them both marriage, masks some pretty profound differences that won't go away just by playing with words.
posted by maggie at 8:59 AM | Link |

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