DO CHILDREN NEED MOTHERS AND FATHERS? David Bianco

[David Bianco is the author of Modern Jewish History for Everyone and Gay Essentials: Facts for Your Queer Brain.]

I vigorously support same-sex adoption, particularly with hard-to-place children who would have no families at all if it weren't for gay parents. At the same time, I support preference being given to opposite-sex parents, and I have publicly urged same-sex couples to resist the urge to make new babies, because I think whenever possible children deserve both a mother and a father.

Let me respond to four common objections:

1. "But there are plenty of loveless and even cruel mother-father families."

Separate issue. Let's look at two other things--besides mothers and fathers--that children deserve: fresh air and vegetables. There are families who give their children fresh air and vegetables but also beat them and deny them a good education. That doesn't mean it's OK to raise kids indoors or with vitamins instead of greens as long as you love them.

2. "Children need parents who love them. It doesn't matter if they are gay or straight."

I agree. I have no complaint with a lesbian who marries a man in order to raise children with him, for example. But having both a mother and a father is important. Ask yourself: If a child's parents were killed in an accident, all other things being equal, would it be better for that child to be raised by an aunt and an uncle, or by two aunts? If a little boy's mother died in childbirth, would it be better for him to be raised by his father and aunt or by his father and uncle?

3. "All the studies show that the children of gay parents are no more or less likely to be gay themselves."

Irrelevant, and ridiculous. Irrelevant because those studies (and there are also studies that say the opposite) focus on the sexual orientation of the parents, not the gender of the parents. And ridiculous because it just doesn't make sense. Given the number of people raised in repressive environments where coming out is less likely, doesn't it make sense that there would be some measurable difference just because gay parents aren't homophobic? Finally, my concern about same-sex parenting is not that it will make the kids gay, but that it will deny the kids a mother or a father.

4. "Lots of lesbian couples make sure their kids have male role models, and gay couples have women around for the same reason."

How sad. A father is much more than a "role model," and an aunt or neighbor can hardly fill the "mother" hole for children. There are lots of cases where children grow up without a mother or without a father, and those cases are tragedies--just ask anybody who's lost a parent at a young age (and the repercussions are often gender-specific). We shouldn't be in the business of manufacturing tragedies when we have other options.
posted by Eve at 12:02 AM | link

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