FOR GAY COUPLES, DIVORCE IS SOUGHT-AFTER PERK OF MARRIAGE: From the Associated Press

One of the messiest breakups family law lawyer Cheryl Sena has witnessed had all the hallmarks of a bitter, "who-gets-what" divorce -- charges of infidelity, competing restraining orders and drawn-out conflict over a multimillion dollar home.

What made the case especially difficult, even as ugly splits go, was that the feuding partners were men. As an unmarried couple, community property laws didn't apply to them -- so every last bit of jewelry was up for grabs. ...

The ability to recieve alimony, guaranteed parental rights and an assumed stake in the financial fruits of the relationship are just a few of the divorce benefits long denied same-sex couples.

"The single most important thing you get with marriage is divorce, a predictable process by which property is divided, debt is apportioned and arrangements are made for custody and visitation of children," said Jo Ann Citron, a Boston lawyer who is researching a book on same-sex breakups called "The Gay Divorcee." ...

Especially when children are involved, judges in liberal-leaning states like Massachusetts, California and Washington have been increasingly willing to apply the principles of their respective divorce laws, if not the laws themselves, to same-sex breakups that wind up in court as contract or property disputes.

But courts in more conservative states like Texas and Virginia have been loath to do anything that would confer marital-like standing on same-sex unions, even when both parties have had lawyers draw up detailed contracts. ...

Vermont, which since 2000 has granted spousal rights to gay couples with civil unions, is the only state other than Massachusetts where gays and lesbians are now treated the same as married couples for the purposes of divorce. In California, a law scheduled to take effect on Jan. 1 would give the state's 25,000 couples registered as domestic partners access to family court proceedings when their relationships end. ...

San Francisco residents Julian Chang, 42, and Wade Estey, 38, avoided such acrimony when they split up last year after more than 14 years together. Both lawyers with equal earnings, the men had drawn up elaborate agreements or filed papers governing everything from home ownership and hospital visitation rights to frequent flier miles and funeral arrangements. They handled their dissolution proceedings themselves, splitting everything down the middle.

With so many separate contracts to undo, they still haven't reached the end of it. "We put everything in our lives together piece by piece, and now the worst part of it is we have to undo everything piece by piece," Chang said.

Both agree that had marriage been an option, their "divorce" would have been easier -- and they might not have broken up at all. "There is something different about being married than in an unmarried relationship -- it would make me more committed to working things out," Estey said.

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