MARRIAGE MATTERS: Maggie replies to Tom Sylvester

Tom, I take your point. I avoid, and will continue to avoid, taking up gay issues directly because a) I don't think I have any particular expertise or credibility on the subject and b) I don't think the SSM debate depends on what you think about homosexuality.

Marriage is what I know, what I care about, and what I focus on. If you rummage through anthroplogy, many societies have not shared our own historic Judeo-Christian negative judgments on same-sex relations. But they have never heretofore confused these relationships with marriage. Growing support for SSM reflects a weakining of our understanding of and commitment to marriage as a social institution, at least as much as it is a product of changing attitudes towards homosexuality.

Before I lapse back into silence on gay issues, let me say this: I think the hard framing of sexual orientation as an issue of "discrimination" rather than civility and respect in the public square raises deep questions, to which I don't know all the answers. I see this as a disagreement about the nature, meaning and purpose of human sexuality. Certainly people who are gay and lesbian who disagree on these questions are entitled to civil rights and civility.

I'd like to say vice versa, too. But people who see this as a question of "bigotry" very often do not feel obliged to show civility or tolerance towards people they are trying to stigmatize as bigots. Often they feel morally obliged to show the opposite. Not that I am complaining. I rather like moral zealots, even when I disagree with them.

This is what I said earlier in response to Andrew Sullivan when the subject of "conservatives" lack of social policy towards gays and lesbians came up:

"I don't think I should do anything with gay people, except treat you with the dignity of a) a child of God b) a fellow citizen c) a potential friend and neighbor, brother etc. d) sometimes an ally and sometimes an opponent on things about which we agree or disagree."

I don't expect it to satisfy anyone.

But it is what I actually think, for what it's worth.
posted by Eve at 5:14 PM | link

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