GAYS PERSIST IN HETEROSEXUAL MARRIAGES FOR COMPLEX SET OF REASONS [yeah, you think?]: From Newhouse News Service

[Eh, I still think Signorile is more nuanced here. --Eve]

...Buxton has been researching gay/straight marriages and speaking with some 9,000 spouses since the mid-1980s, when her husband came out as gay."He led a perfectly straight life, and it nearly killed him," said Buxton, who has two children with him. "He became physically depressed and withdrawn."

Many face similar lifelong struggles in these marriages, which are often based on true affection and respect. Information networks now exist for gay married men, married lesbians, straight partners and their children -- who each face different, painful issues.

"There is still a huge, negative wedge that says being gay or lesbian is sinful," said Bob, a 71-year-old formerly married gay man who asked that his last name not be used. He organized a chapter of the GAMMA (Gay Married Men Association) support group in Grand Rapids, Mich., where about 14 members of the national organization meet twice monthly.

In speaking with hundreds of gay married men through the years, Bob said, he most often hears of two pressures: church and family."Their families say, 'When are you going to marry and give me grandchildren?' And their churches look down on being gay" -- some even asking gays to renounce their sexuality or leave the congregation, Bob said. ...

He runs the Gay Fathers of Rhode Island support group. During twice-monthly gatherings, men discuss the pull between marriage and fatherhood, and their identity as a gay or bisexual. "They're very conflicted about who they are, versus who they need to be for others," Fronczak said.

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posted by Eve at 1:48 PM | link

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