ADVICE COLUMNIST FROM WASHINGTON BLADE

Dear Ms. Behavior:
My girlfriend Andrea left me a few months ago because I'm ready to have a baby and she's not. It wasn't an impulsive decision; we've discussed it endlessly and we're just in different places. I'm sad about losing Andrea, but I understand how she feels. We ended it well, for what that's worth.

Now I've lined up a sperm donor (through a sperm bank), and I've changed my job enough to accommodate childcare. I'm a little apprehensive about doing it alone. This isn't exactly what I'd imagined, but I'm basically ready.

The problem is that I'm suddenly meeting all kinds of resistance from my mother and my friends, who are begging me not to rush, as if I'm 25 and haven't spent the last 10 years talking about having a baby. They are warning me that a baby will put the kibosh on any romantic possibility I might have for the future.

I hope that's not true. But if I were pushed to make a choice, I'd probably choose the baby over some theoretical girlfriend. Am I crazy? Should I listen to my mother and wait a few months?
Nervous

Dear Nervous:
Don't let your mother's spinster fears influence your decision. Your plan hardly sounds impulsive, and you can't exactly put your life on hold while waiting for a new partner to ring your buzzer.

Besides, a baby isn't quite the scourge on a relationship that some people like to imagine. Many of your luscious lesbian dates will actually find your bouncy, drooling infant rather alluring. Some even welcome the idea of a ready-made family.

Of course, having a baby does reduce your mean number of relationship prospects, but that's not necessarily a bad thing because you wouldn't have wanted to be with someone who loathes little ones anyway. The trick will be finding someone sane and lovely and crazy about babies, who'd be delighted with the package deal of you and your spawn.

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posted by Eve at 3:35 PM | link

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