FAMILY MATTERS: BROADENING DEFINITIONS: Todd Plank

As Pride celebrations take place around the country this summer, I'm reminded of the family reunions that I enjoyed growing up, and on into my early thirties. Sadly, since I came out to my nuclear family, I've been ostracized from those large traditional family gatherings.

The Pride Picnic has, to a certain degree, replaced those annual family get-togethers of days gone by. Having been distanced from my family of origin, I've been given the opportunity to recreate my family "in my image," according to my own definitions. My partner Paul likes to remind me that "there is the family we are born with and then there is the family we choose."

It is exciting to witness the bold choices that lgbt single, partnered, and now in some instances (hurray!) married couples are making to expand their families through foster parenting, adoption, artificial insemination, surrogacy, as well as less formal, but nonetheless intentional ways of permanently altering and enlarging their family structure. Often, lgbt folks are willing to invite children from other countries and cultures to become a part of their family unit. It's not unusual to see two moms or dads with a child who does not bear any physical resemblance to them, creating a kaleidescope of colors, facial characteristics and ethnic variations that challenge people's assumptions about what defines a family.

Swinging to the other end of the aging spectrum, we find that older lgbts are also being creative in forming relationships to offset the deficits resulting from the loss of a partner, spouse, or other family members or friends that, perhaps for most of their adult lives, constituted their family. Studies have shown that large numbers of lgbt seniors will live alone in their later years, many of them not having children or other close relatives (still our society's traditional support systems for seniors) to look after them as they age. As demonstrated in some boroughs in N.Y.C., and closer to home by the Rainbow Seniors of Western New York (RSWNY), older lgbt people are developing their own networks of support to meet each other's physical, emotional and social needs. We could refer to these unconventional, reciprocal ties as informal families.

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Elizabeth Marquardt and readers comment here.
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