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 Monday, October 24, 2005
THE UN-TIE-ABLE KNOT: From the Washington Blade
It's a sentiment not expected from a sex columnist but Dan Savage is hesitant about the whole gay marriage thing. Before you send any e-mails filled with moral outrage, let's get the obvious out of the way: Savage supports same-sex marriage. His new book "The Commitment," which chronicles his and his partner Terry's struggles with and decisions about the institution, makes that crystal clear. "We believe gay marriage should be legal, not mandatory," Savage writes. ... Marriage wasn't something Savage considered as an option when he came out, he says. The world was a different place and there were certain assumptions he made about what would be available to him as a gay man. ... "I wanted to document what it felt like to be part of that generation where everything we thought we sacrificed to be gay was suddenly available to us," he says. "We hadn't left it at the side of the road." ... AS "THE COMMITMENT" illustrates, whatever reservations about marriage Savage may have, it was his son who eventually made the case. At first D.J. is opposed to the idea, but Savage recounts an early morning conversation where his son is asking questions about marriage, divorce and love. Savage explains that marriage is a promise to stay in love and together. It's that definition of marriage that brings him around and why D.J. wants his two daddies to do the thing Savage could not fathom as a younger gay man. "A big part of it was our son," he says. "Suddenly it meant something to him for his family to reaffirm and strengthen the bond that is holding it together." Savage pauses for a moment, smiles and rolls his eyes. Even as a married man (they went to Canada) he still finds it all a bit silly. more posted by Eve at 12:49 AM | link 
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So why doesn't Dan marry D.J.'s mother? Children DO need a mother, right?
Perhaps because D.J.'s mother is a homeless, mentally ill drug addict?
mdl
And it would be much better for this child to be raised by a homeless, drug addict than two men who can provide a safe, loving home.
Do you ask heterosexual couples why they don't divorce so dad can marry the irresponsible birthmother?
Looked like a case for adoption of a needy child, not SSM for needy adults.
Couldn't the same be said for heterosexuals who adopt instead of procreating? Why do they need marriage?
They don't if the purpose is to create a child-adult relationship for a needy child rather than an adult-adult relationship for needy adults. Heterosexuality is not the issue. Two persons -- one of each sex -- offer the child both a mom and a dad. Maggie has described this in a recent post.
And it was as irrational when Maggie said it as it is when you say it. If a marriage is important for a man and woman raising an adopted child, why isn't it important for two men or two women raising an adopted child?
Maggie would ban adoptions to unmarried men and women because she believes marriage is so important, but doesn't care what happens to same-sex couples as long as they don't marry
Disagreement looks irrational to the absolutist.
Concisely, how do the legal incidents of marriage directly advantage the child-parent relationship of a child and the female partner of that child's mother?
What is it about second-parent adoption that is inferior in direct legal benefits to the child-parent relationship of a child and the female partner of that child's mother?
What precisely is the big problem in the child-parent relationship you think gets solved by SSM?
The overwhelming majority of the children in same-sex homes already have both a mom and a dad, and one of those parents happens to reside with a partner of the same sex.
So second-parent adoption would be the direct solution if the nonresident parent of the other sex relinquished parental responsiblities. It is no different in two-sex homes, you know.
If you think that there is something very distinctive about the 4% or so of these children who were adopted (about 2% in second-parent adoptions and 2% in adoptions by nonrelatives), please narrow the focus of your rational argument.
Could you provide some source for your data on children being raised by same-sex parents because it doesn't ring true.
Gary Gates, of the the Urban Institute and co-author of "The Gay and Lesbian Atlas", says it does ring true:
Most of the children in those households, he said, were the product of a previous heterosexual union by one of the parents. But gay and lesbian couples are more likely than heterosexual couples to adopt -- 4 percent of gay parents have adopted, Gates said, compared with 2 percent of heterosexual parents.
A good part of that doubling would appear to be the consequence of second-parent adoption.
The Census also shows that, in the general population, 2% of children live with adoptive parents.
The newsmedia, and Hollywood, might present a different picture.
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