Traditional Image of Marriage Being Eroded by Same-Sex Unions, Warns Top UK Family Lawyer: The Daily Mail

reports:

English law no longer has a clear concept of marriage, a leading family lawyer has said.

Baroness Deech, the chairman of the Bar Standards Board, also believes that human rights law could soon be used to legalise full homosexual marriage.

She said the traditional Christian image of a lifelong union of man and woman is no longer accurate because of the changing nature of relationships and the introduction of legal rights for same-sex couples.

Lady Deech said she believes that human rights law may soon rule that it is discriminatory to ban homosexuals from marrying in the same way that heterosexual couples do.

But she added that some differences between civil partnerships and marriages should be preserved, and criticised recent Labour laws that allow same-sex couples to be named on birth certificates with no mention of a father.

more

Labels: civil unions, Fathers, gay marriage, gender, Marriage, United Kingdom

posted by Imapp Staff at 11:36 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

BARONESS DEECH: ENGLISH LAW NO LONGER HAS CLEAR CONCEPT OF MARRIAGE: Telegraph

reports:

Baroness Deech, the chairman of the Bar Standards Board, claims that traditional Christian image of a lifelong union of man and woman is no longer accurate because of the changing nature of relationships and the introduction of legal rights for same-sex couples.

She believes human rights law may soon rule that it is discriminatory to ban homosexuals from marrying in the same way that heterosexual couples do.

However Lady Deech adds that some differences between civil partnerships and marriages should be preserved, and criticises recent Labour laws that allow same-sex couples to be named on birth certificates with no mention of a father. ...

But she will conclude that “civil partnerships do still differ from marriage a little, and this is an area where the difference ought to be preserved with justification”.

This is because she disagrees with provisions of the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Act 2008, which allow same-sex couples to be named as parents on birth certificates with no reference to a father.

more

Labels: civil unions, donor conception, Fathers, gay marriage, gay parenting, United Kingdom

posted by Eve at 3:51 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

SINGLE PARENTS, AROUND THE WORLD: Catherine Rampell

at NY Times Economix blog:

A sizable minority of children in rich countries live with just one parent — a parent who is likely to be female, and also likely to be working.

Those are some of the takeaways from the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development’s recent coverage this week of women in the world.

Across the industrialized world, about 15.9 percent of children live in single-parent households. The United States is at the higher end of the single-parent spectrum, with 25.8 percent of its children living with just a mother or a father. ...

The purple bars represent the proportion of children who live with both parents (whether or not those parents are married). Note the length of the pink bars, which represent the share of children living with single mothers, relative to that of the blue bars, which represent the share living with single fathers.

The only country where single fathers look like more than a faint sliver is Belgium, where there are still nearly twice as many children living with single mothers as with single fathers.

more

Labels: Fathers, motherhood, single parenting

posted by Eve at 8:54 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

MOORE, BENING TEAM UP IN LESBIAN FAMILY COMEDY: Reuters

reports:

Julianne Moore and Annette Bening team up in "The Kids Are All Right" in which they play a long-term lesbian couple whose lives are turned upside down when their two teenage children contact their biological father. ...

Jules (Moore) and Nic (Bening) are trying to be good parents. The wealthy couple are proud of their daughter Joni's academic achievements and struggle to keep an open mind when they think their son Laser may be gay.

When they inadvertently discover Laser has contacted his biological father, the women feel threatened, but gradually warm to the handsome, laid-back epitome of California cool variously referred to as "the donor" and "the spermster."

Things turn sour, however, when Jules starts to fall for Paul (Mark Ruffalo) and control freak Nic begins to suspect.

more

Labels: culture, donor conception, Fathers, gay parenting

posted by Eve at 12:28 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

HARMAN VICTORY SEES FATHERS GET PATERNITY LEAVE SO MOTHERS CAN RETURN TO WORK: Telegraph (UK)

reports:

The father will be allowed to take time off work to replace the last three months of his partner's nine-month maternity leave.

He would be eligible during the three month period to statutory Government pay of £123 a week.

After nine months, fathers will even have the right the stay off work unpaid for another three months.

Ministers believe it will allow mothers who earn more than their partners to return earlier to work than has otherwise been possible.

Government data has shown that around 350,000 expectant mothers a year are at work. Around two thirds return to work.

It represents a victory for Harriet Harman, the Equalities Minister, who has championed the cause in a bitter Cabinet battle with Lord Mandelson who has fought for business to be spared the extra administrative and financial burden.

Under the current laws, fathers are allowed two weeks paternity leave when their child is born. That will continue, but after the mother has spent six months of leave she can then return to work and allow the father to take the remaining three month’s statutory paid leave and up to six months in total off work.

The new paternity changes will come into force in April next year and parents will be able to use the new transferable right to leave for children born after that date.

more

Labels: Fathers, United Kingdom, work/family policy

posted by Eve at 10:10 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

SANTA CRUZ COURT TO HEAR FORMER LESBIAN PARTNERS' CUSTODY DISPUTE OVER TWINS: Silicon Valley Mercury-News

reports:

In a case that could have far-reaching implications for gay rights, a Santa Cruz woman is seeking to maintain joint custody of 10-month-old twins that she and her former partner, the biological mother of the children, had agreed to raise.

As court battles over the rights of non-biological gay parents garner national attention, the Santa Cruz case contains a complicated wrinkle: The biological mother is now involved in a romantic relationship with the sperm donor, who has joined her in seeking full custody of the boys.

"It's the first case I'm aware of where a lesbian couple in a committed relationship has brought a child into the world, then after breaking up, the biological mother has tried to sub in the biological father," said Deborah Wald, a family law attorney who, along with the National Center for Lesbian Rights, represents the non-biological mother.

"If they won, we would consider it a very dangerous precedent for lesbian couples having children with the assistance of known sperm donors," Wald said.

The biological parents, Maggie Quale and Shawn Wallace, who now live together, say they should be allowed to fully parent their twins, Max and Levi, without a court order allowing even partial custody to Quale's former partner, Kim T. Smith. They say the civil lawsuit filed by Smith, who declined to comment, has put them in the painful position of asserting their rights while still appearing to support the growing effort to protect the rights of gay parents.

more

Labels: custody, de facto parenting, donor conception, Fathers

posted by Eve at 10:30 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

The Day I Decided to Stop Being Gay: Patrick Muirhead

in The Times (UK):

...But then my eyes lowered and I became transfixed by the sight of the boy’s tiny pink fingers gripping his father’s huge, workman-like fist. And I almost wanted to burst into song.

I think my life changed at that moment.

That’s love, folks. Simple really. A proud dad, an adored little boy and a beautiful display of dependence and responsibility. It was the epiphany I had needed and I emerged with a dashing new haircut and a desire to procreate.

Gays have children these days, of course they do, and not always to accessorise an outfit. Some gay couples adopt; others follow twisting paths to biological parenthood, often quite expensively, with the involvement of test tubes and cash changing hands. It is, really, a sort of snook to the system of nature. Shooting for the net without the chore of running with the ball. It’s just not for me.

And lately I have, almost imperceptibly, been laying the groundwork to make parenthood happen in the old-fashioned way. I have been flirting with someone at my local pub, thinking about her at odd times, making excuses to call her and wondering if she likes me. It’s rather strange.

This will come as a shock to — among others — my male former partner of ten years, gay pals from my former media career, my rabidly heterosexual chums in the aviation industry and, not least, my family (who rather hoped I was going through a phase — albeit for about 20 years). Well, it’s come as a shock to me, too.

I once attended the nuptials of a gay male friend to a girl with whom he had unexpectedly fallen head over heels in love. It was a curious affair: the wedding party was peopled with his ex-lovers — including me, the best man and even the vicar. There is a risk that a wedding guest list of mine could have the same casting issues.

more

Labels: culture, Fathers, homosexuality, United Kingdom

posted by Imapp Staff at 3:48 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

NEW POLL REVEALS MOTHERS' POLARIZED VIEWS OF TODAY'S DADS: National Fatherhood Initiative

press release:

Today, National Fatherhood Initiative (NFI) released Mama Says: A National Survey of Moms' Attitudes on Fathering, the first-ever national survey taking an in-depth look at how today's mothers view fathers and fatherhood.

The survey's most revealing findings deal with the enormous gulf between the assessments of fathers by mothers who are married to or live with their children's dads and those who do not. More than 8 in 10 mothers married to or living with the father of their children were satisfied with his performance as a dad, but only 2 of 10 mothers not living with the father were satisfied.

Furthermore, only 1 of 3 moms not living with dad reported a "close and warm" relationship between their child and the father, while nearly 9 in 10 married mothers classified the relationship as close and warm. A majority of mothers - 2 of 3 - agreed that fathers perform best if they are married to the mothers of their children. ...

The most troublesome finding for those who view fathers as playing unique roles in their children lives is the majority opinion among mothers that fathers are replaceable by moms or other men. More than half of the moms agree that fathers are replaceable by moms, and 2 of 3 moms agree that fathers are replaceable by other men. However, in a national survey of dads' attitudes on fatherhood, Pop's Culture, released by NFI in 2006, similar but slightly lower proportions of fathers agreed with these statements.

Therefore, it seems to be a majority view in the American public that fathers are replaceable despite near universal agreement that there is a father absence crisis in the United States - 93 percent and 91 percent of moms and dads, respectively, agree that such a crisis exists. The mothers who feel fathers are replaceable but feel there is a father absence crisis may believe that while possible, it is unlikely that an adequate substitute for a missing father can be found.

more (download the report)

Labels: cohabitation, Fathers, Marriage, motherhood, National Fatherhood Initiative, out-of-wedlock births

posted by Eve at 11:58 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

IRISH JUDGES: GAY SPERM DONOR SHOULD SEE HIS SON: Associated Press

reports:

The Irish Supreme Court ruled Thursday that a gay man who donated his sperm to a lesbian couple should be permitted to see his 3-year-old son regularly -- in part because Ireland's constitution doesn't recognize the lesbians as a valid family unit. ...

In her written judgment, Supreme Court Justice Susan Denham said the lesbian couple provide a loving, stable home for their son - but that the constitution defines parents as a married man and woman, and gays are not permitted to marry in Ireland.

She said Irish law does identify the sperm donor as the father, and he therefore had a right to have a relationship with his son.

"There is benefit to a child, in general, to have the society of his father," Denham wrote. "I am satisfied that the learned High Court judge gave insufficient weight to this factor."

more

Labels: donor conception, Fathers, gay parenting, Ireland

posted by Eve at 11:06 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

WHAT MAKES A GOOD DAD? The Economist

blogs:

A NEW survey [pdf] from the National Fatherhood Initiative finds that 93% of American mothers believe there is a "father-absence crisis" in the country.

And absent fathers tend to have worse relationships with their children. Mothers are much more likely to report that the father of their child has a "close and warm" relationship with that child if he is living with the family.

A hefty 89% of married mothers thought this, and 85% of co-habitees. But in cases where the father is not living with the family, only 34% of mothers thought he had a warm and close relationship with a given child.

Interestingly, this survey finds little difference between married and co-habiting fathers. But Kathryn Edin, a professor of public policy at Harvard, warned that co-habiting relationships in America are much more likely to break up than those in some European countries.

more (download the survey in PDF)

Labels: cohabitation, Fathers, Marriage, National Fatherhood Initiative

posted by Eve at 10:29 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION STRIKES FATHERS, TOO: NY Times

reports:

The pregnancy was easy, the delivery a breeze. This was the couple’s first baby, and they were thrilled. But within two months, the bliss of new parenthood was shattered by postpartum depression.

A sad, familiar story. But this one had a twist: The patient who came to me for treatment was not the mother but her husband. ...

Up to 80 percent of women experience minor sadness — the so-called baby blues — after giving birth, and about 10 percent plummet into severe postpartum depression. But it turns out that men can also have postpartum depression, and its effects can be every bit as disruptive — not just on the father but on mother and child.

We don’t know the exact prevalence of male postpartum depression; studies have used different methods and diagnostic criteria. Dr. Paul G. Ramchandani, a psychiatrist at the University of Oxford in England who did a study based on 26,000 parents, reported in The Lancet in 2005 that 4 percent of fathers had clinically significant depressive symptoms within eight weeks of the birth of their children. But one thing is clear: It isn’t something most people, including physicians, have ever heard of.

more

Labels: animal research, Fathers, gender differences, men, mental health, pregnancy

posted by Eve at 5:02 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

LESBIANS "ARE BEST MUMS": Scottish Daily News

reports:

TRADITIONAL family supporters raised the alarm yesterday after Government research claimed that lesbians made the best parents.

Campaigners said that research paid for with taxpayers’ money to pander to same-sex couples only succeeded in marginalising fathers to the detriment of society.

The National Academy for Parenting Practitioners struck a blow to the heart of the conventional family after it said the latest research showed that children prospered when raised by two women. ...

But the research showed that children brought up by lesbians had higher aspirations to become ­doctors or lawyers and were more confident to fight for social justice.

Speaking last week, director of the research Stephen Scott said: “Lesbians make better parents than a man and a woman.” Campaigners Fathers4Justice attacked the study for failing to promote the role of fathers and laid blame for a pending “unprecedented social ­crisis” at the Government’s door.

more

Labels: culture, family structure, Fathers, gay parenting, lesbians, parenting, professional associations, Scotland

posted by Eve at 3:07 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

WHO KNEW THAT I WAS NOT THE FATHER?: The NY Times Magazine

feature:

It was in July 2007 when Mike L. asked the Pennsylvania courts to declare that he was no longer the father of his daughter. For four years, Mike had known that the girl he had rocked to sleep and danced with across the living-room floor was not, as they say, "his." The revelation from a DNA test was devastating and prompted him to leave his wife -- but he had not renounced their child. He continued to feel that in all the ways that mattered, she was still his daughter, and he faithfully paid her child support. It was only when he learned that his ex-wife was about to marry the man who she said actually was the girl's biological father that Mike flipped. Supporting another man's child suddenly became unbearable.

Two years after filing the suit that sought to end his paternal rights, Mike is still irate about the fix he's in. "I pay child support to a biologically intact family," Mike told me, his voice cracking with incredulity. "A father and mother, married, who live with their own child. And I pay support for that child. How ridiculous is that?"

Yet despite his indignation -- and despite his court filings seeking to end his obligations as a father -- Mike loves his daughter. Every other weekend, the 11-year-old girl, L., lives in Mike's house in a quiet suburban neighborhood in Western Pennsylvania. Her bedroom there is decorated to reflect her current passion: there's a soccer bedspread, soccer curtains and a soccer-ball night light. On her bed is an Everybody Loves Me pillow covered with transparent sleeves filled with photos of her and Mike, the man she calls "Daddy," canoeing, fishing and sledding together. ...

Mike's conundrum is increasingly playing out in courts across the country, a result of political, social and technological shifts. Stricter federal rules have pressed states to chase down fathers and hold them responsible for children born outside of marriage, a category that includes 40 percent of all births. At the same time, DNA tests have become easier, cheaper and more reliable. Swiping a few cheek cells and paying a couple hundred dollars can answer the question that has plagued men since the dawn of time: Am I really the father?

more

Labels: adultery, child support, Fathers

posted by Eve at 3:02 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

FRENCH COURT SAYS LESBIAN COUPLE CAN ADOPT: Reuters

reports:

A French court on Tuesday allowed a lesbian woman to adopt a child with her partner after 11 years of legal battle, in what gay rights campaigners said was an unprecedented victory.

French law allows single people to adopt but not same-sex couples, a position that has been criticized by the European Court of Human Rights. ...

DOUBLE STANDARDS

Emmanuelle B. had been fighting to assert her right to adopt with her partner since 1998, when the authorities rejected her first application. She had taken her case to the European Court of Human Rights, which ruled in her favor in January 2008.

The Court said France was applying double standards because on the one hand it allowed single people to adopt, while on the other hand it was denying that right to Emmanuelle B. on the basis that there was "no father figure" in her home.

more

Labels: adoption, Fathers, France, gay parenting, single parenting

posted by Eve at 12:12 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

SPERM DONOR DAD: CHOOSING MY CHILD'S FATHER: Gary Blitt

in Redbook:

There comes a point in every man's life when he realizes he is going to spend the rest of it alone unless he is willing to compromise. Most of these compromises are benign. A man should come to accept, for example, that striped shirts and plaid pants don't match, and that covering a wall with Star Trek posters gets you on Queer Eye, not The Bachelor. In my case, The Compromise was major: My girlfriend refused to become my wife unless I agreed to have a child. ...

As a crime reporter for a tabloid newspaper, I am often called upon to interview the wives, friends, and relatives of people who have just died under horrendous circumstances. For the purposes of accuracy (and sanity), I have developed an unemotional approach to all human tragedy. And even as one was unfolding around me, I couldn't help but view the situation as I view other people's miseries: Man, this is a great story! The guy who never wanted a child - but then agreed to have one to please the woman he loves - turns out to be infertile. Stop the presses! This is the front page!

My wife saw our situation a little differently: She cried for three days. When she emerged, she became an Internet junkie and discovered that we had only two options: cutting open my testicles in the often-fruitless search for a few stray sperm cells, or having a child with donor sperm. I preferred the second option. See, while many men feel impotent when told that they are sterile, I actually felt empowered. Fact is, I'm not so enamored of my genes. I'm fat. I'm nearsighted. I had scoliosis as a kid and had to wear a socially paralyzing back brace. And I'm endowed like a Chihuahua. Finally, my genetic material had failed the ultimate test of genetic material, namely, the ability to replicate. But my wife didn't see it that way. "I want to have a baby with you!" she said.

I assured her that I could be every bit as loving a father as I would have been had Mother Nature been our midwife. But in moments of honest reflection, I wondered how I would feel watching my son accept his first Pulitzer Prize or my daughter hit a home run deep into left field. Would I feel a swell of parental pride, or would I sit there thinking that my children were able to achieve these things because I was not, in fact, their father? Who would be the Dad of Record: the sperm cells or me?

Choosing my child's father
These questions only grew more urgent after we made the decision to go ahead with donor sperm - and began diving into the profiles of our would-be donors. I had been telling my wife that "nurture" trumped "nature," but I was scouring the donor profiles just in case the opposite was true. Why not take out a genetic insurance policy by finding a donor who looked like me (only without the "fat gene," thank you very much), yet was my superior in math, athletics, handiness, patience, and career achievement?

The thing is, you could make yourself crazy trying to find the "perfect father." And that's exactly what we did.

Only after weeks of this paper chase did I come to see that the quest itself was distancing me from my future child. If genes were all that mattered, then why would I have to be around at all? And, worse, if I actually believed that, was I setting up my kid to see me as little more than "that guy who's always here even though I'm not his kid"?

more

Labels: donor conception, Fathers

posted by Eve at 12:08 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

FATHERS GAIN RESPECT FROM EXPERTS (AND MOTHERS): The New York Times

reports that Shiny New Science now agrees with kitchen wisdom (and also provides some really helpful and challenging advice to family-focused resource centers of all kinds):

It used to irk Melissa Calapini when her 3-year-old daughter, Haley, hung around her father while he fixed his cars. Ms. Calapini thought there were more enriching things the little girl could be doing with her time.

But since the couple attended a parenting course — to save their relationship, which had become overwhelmed by arguments about rearing their children — Ms. Calapini has had a change of heart. Now she encourages the father-daughter car talk.

“Daddy’s bonding time with his girls is working on cars,” said Ms. Calapini, of Olivehurst, Calif. “He has his own way of communicating with them, and that’s O.K.”

As much as mothers want their partners to be involved with their children, experts say they often unintentionally discourage men from doing so. Because mothering is their realm, some women micromanage fathers and expect them to do things their way, said Marsha Kline Pruett, a professor at the Smith College School for Social Work at Smith College and a co-author of the new book “Partnership Parenting,” with her husband, the child psychiatrist Dr. Kyle Pruett (Da Capo Press).

Yet a mother’s support of the father turns out to be a critical factor in his involvement with their children, experts say — even when a couple is divorced.

“In the last 20 years, everyone’s been talking about how important it is for fathers to be involved,” said Sara S. McLanahan, a professor of sociology and public affairs at Princeton. “But now the idea is that the better the couple gets along, the better it is for the child.”

Her research, part of a project based at Princeton and called the Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study, found that when couples scored high on positive relationship traits like willingness to compromise, expressing affection or love for their partner, encouraging or helping partners to do things that were important to them, and having an absence of insults and criticism, the father was significantly more likely to be engaged with his children.

Uninvolved fathers have long been accused of lacking motivation. But research shows that many societal obstacles conspire against them. Even as more fathers are changing diapers, dropping the children off at school and coaching soccer, they are often pushed aside in ways large and small.

more

Labels: Fathers, motherhood, parenting, poverty

posted by Eve at 7:49 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN WITHOUT DAD: The Wall Street Journal

reports:

Conventional wisdom holds that two parents are better than one. Scientists are now finding that growing up without a father actually changes the way your brain develops.

German biologist Anna Katharina Braun and others are conducting research on animals that are typically raised by two parents, in the hopes of better understanding the impact on humans of being raised by a single parent. Dr. Braun's work focuses on degus, small rodents related to guinea pigs and chinchillas, because mother and father degus naturally raise their babies together.

When deprived of their father, the degu pups exhibit both short- and long-term changes in nerve-cell growth in different regions of the brain. Dr. Braun, director of the Institute of Biology at Otto von Guericke University in Magdeburg, and her colleagues are also looking at how these physical changes affect offspring behavior.

Their preliminary analysis indicates that fatherless degu pups exhibit more aggressive and impulsive behavior than pups raised by two parents.

more

Labels: animal research, Fathers, single parenting

posted by Eve at 5:39 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

NEWS FROM AUSTRALIA: HOW MANY PARENTS AND WHY?: Julie Shapiro

blogs:

I’ve been mulling over a recent news story from Australia that someone sent to me. It’s a rather complicated tale.

Ms. Fabian and Ms. Halifax (they only give last names in the story) were in a relationship for about seven years. During that time, each of them gave birth to a child. Ms. Halifax used sperm from a family friend, identified as Mr. Dalton. That child is now seven. Ms. Fabian used sperm from an anonymous donor. That child, a girl, is the subject of the litigation. She is now three.

The two women separated when the daughter was 20 months old. At the time they lived in Queensland, but at least Ms. Fabian, and perhaps both, were from New South Wales. Ms. Fabian now wants to return to New South Wales.

Her request to move is being opposed not only by her former partner, Ms. Halifax, but also by a gay male couple. According to the newspaper story, this couple “cannot be named,” but one of them is apparently the donor for the other child, which would mean he is Mr. Dalton. An Australian court has determined that she should not move while the requests of the various parties are considered. ...

I cannot help but contrast this with the evidence women asserting claims to be de facto parents produce. You can find at least half-a-dozen cases that I’ve discussed on the blog–some where the women won and some where the women lost. But win or lose, the evidence offered by the women I’m thinking of is qualitatively different. It’s far more about the hands-on care offered than about the public acknowledgement.

In truth, it seems to me that the men are claiming rights on a basis akin to holding out. Perhaps that is not so surprising. If you go back and read that earlier post (and the ones that follow) you will see this is a historically male path to parenthood. It makes me wonder if this legacy of gendered family law will find its way into the legal regulation of decidedly modern families.

more

Labels: Australia, de facto parenting, Fathers, gender, gender differences, Julie Shapiro, motherhood

posted by Eve at 3:45 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

A Gay Marriage Opponent Responds: John Corvino

at 365Gay.com:

Last week I wrote about marriage-equality opponents’ “Always and Everywhere” argument—the claim that since marriage has “always” been heterosexual, we ought not to tinker with it now.

In response, a prominent same-sex marriage opponent e-mailed me to explain what was “logically and philosophically wrong” with my critique. In particular, she argued that my claim that “each new same-sex marriage is a living counterexample to it” fails, because it misunderstands the rationale behind “always and everywhere.”

According to this opponent, the “always and everywhere” argument is not intended as a straightforward descriptive claim—in which case, a single counterexample would
indeed refute it—but rather as a tool to uncover the REASON why society after society constructs marriage heterosexually.

As she put it, “Why do they keep stumbling on this idea that it’s important to unite male and female in public sexual unions that define the responsibilities of male and female parents to their biological children? Is that reason still valid today?”

Interesting. Is this the right way to understand the “always and everywhere” argument? And if so, does that affect my assessment? To these questions, my answers are “Maybe” and “Absolutely not.” ...

But what if there’s a reason for making marriage EXCLUSIVELY heterosexual—as most (but not all) societies do? According to marriage-equality opponents, there is such a reason. It is to bind parents, and especially fathers, to their biological
children.

I have two responses.

more

Labels: children, Fathers, gay marriage

posted by Imapp Staff at 12:46 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

MAMAS VS. PAPAS: TWO GAY COUPLES FIGHT OVER CUSTODY OF A CHILD: Miami New Times

reports (I apologize if I've already posted this--it's still in my to-do pile):

Two dads face off against two moms. It's perhaps the most unique custody battle in recent Florida history and maybe the most radical verdict. Katherine Alicea and her eight-year partner, Ana Sobrino, decided to have a baby about a half-decade ago. Again and again, they tried using sperm from anonymous donors. But Katherine — a driven real estate agent then in her late 30s — couldn't get pregnant.

Enter their close friend, Ray Janssen, a handsome, gay Air Force veteran.

After some casual negotiation, he donated and Katherine conceived. In August 2006, a sweet and burbling baby whom we'll call Austin was born. Katherine put Ray's name on the birth certificate because she wanted the child to know his dad's identity.

That was a big mistake.

The baby was raised mostly by Katherine and Ana at their NE 24th Street home, a block from Biscayne Bay. But Ray and his partner Craig also spent time with the boy. "[Ray] made it clear he wanted to be involved in the child's life," counselor Sherrie Lewis-Thomas later wrote. He took Austin to baby music lessons. Sometimes the child would sleep over at his "da-da's" Miami Beach apartment overlooking a canal.

Then, last fall, the mothers decided to move to California, and things got ugly.

Ray sued Katherine in November 2008. The case tells the story of two sets of gay parents — all of them loving and active in the child's life — vying for custody. "Responsibility for the child should be awarded to the mother and father equally," Ray demanded in the suit. "[I am] the natural father."

After considering arguments from both sides, Miami-Dade Circuit Court Judge Leon Firtel on June 3 found Ray was nothing more than a sperm donor. Because there was no contract before birth, he had "no rights."

more

Labels: donor conception, Fathers

posted by Eve at 10:26 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

UK LESBIAN COUPLE WINS FIGHT FOR IVF AT TAXPAYERS' EXPENSE: LifeSite

reports:

An anonymous lesbian couple have won the right to in vitro fertilization (IVF) paid for by the National Health Service (NHS) after a legal battle with their local health trust, which initially refused them the service because they were of the same sex and the child would by fatherless.

The health trust withdrew their objection to funding the treatment for the lesbians, which was based on U.K. regulations that recognize the child's need for a father, because of a new regulation which takes effect in October that says couples will only need to demonstrate "supportive parenting" when requesting IVF.

more

Labels: Artificial Reproductive Technology, Fathers, parenting

posted by Eve at 2:40 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

BARACK OBAMA'S FATHER'S DAY MESSAGE

in Parade.

Labels: culture, Fathers

posted by Eve at 11:24 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

FOCUS ON THE FAMILY'S NEW CEO SHIFTS PERSPECTIVES: Denver Post

reports:

The secret of Jim Daly's success, he says only half-jokingly, is "low expectations."

Daly, president and chief executive of Focus on the Family, has achieved more by dint of low expectations than most heads of international multimedia giants.

Daly, 47, a self-made "business guy," succeeds psychologist James Dobson as leader of one of the world's largest Christian media ministries. It has an audience of 230 million people in 149 countries. ...

Daly's worldview was sculpted during a childhood in Southern California that he describes as "something out of 'The Twilight Zone.' " He says he was abandoned by his alcoholic father at age 5, orphaned at his mother's death from cancer when he was 9 and dumped by his grieving stepfather, who emptied the family home and took off with almost everything while the children were at their mother's funeral.

Daly was then stuck in a foster home peopled by sinister versions of the wacky hayseeds of the "Hee Haw" variety show. By the time he was a senior in high school, he was living on his own in a trailer. ...

When Dobson stepped down, he said a few words on the occasion. And then Daly spoke.

"What we want to see are more families like Barack Obama's," Daly said.

"Everybody's jaw went clunk, including Dr. Dobson's," Daly recalled, laughing. "But we can respect what Obama does well. We can focus more on the positive. And I respect his family."

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Labels: culture, Fathers

posted by Eve at 9:56 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

FATHER TO VIVIAN: Kyle Cupp

writes:

...Prior to this experience, when pondering the meaning of fatherhood, I would have thought of showing my children affection, forming their character, teaching them their parts of speech, instructing them in the faith, or playing games of all sorts. I have been able to do these things and more with my son. My daughter will not likely have the opportunity to see me smile at her, hear my words of affection, or feel me holding her. Anencephaly doesn’t generally allow for such sensations.

I have come to the conclusion that what it means to be a father to Vivian is this: I am there with her, suffering with her, even if she cannot know me.

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Labels: Fathers, parenting, religion

posted by Eve at 9:27 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

"DONOR 67"

Blog of a sperm donor who's making a film about the experience, twenty years on.

Labels: donor conception, Fathers

posted by Eve at 8:22 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS FOR PARENTS ON FATHER'S DAY: "The Internet Monk"

blogs:

...I raised two kids whom I love and am endlessly proud of, but there were and are places along the way that I felt helpless and a complete failure.

I’ve spent thousands of hours helping parents and teens work through all those problems that families with teenagers inevitably face.

Because of my current ministry, I’ve reviewed painful family histories and interviewed desperate parents looking for anything that would help them somehow reclaim a teenager that was lost, failing or in destructive rebellion.

For whatever reasons, God has put me in the world of teenagers and their families. I never asked for this, but it’s been my assignment.

So on this Father’s Day Weekend, I want to ask some of the questions I’ve never (well, almost never) asked the parents of teenagers. These questions aren’t subtle or academic. They are “gut-level.” They’re real.

Is this advice disguised as rhetoric? A bit, yes. I don’t claim to know much about parenting teenagers. I think the questions have their own wisdom.

(By the way, I know that these questions don’t apply to every parent, and I’m aware that some of you have a philosophy of raising kids that answers all of these issues. I’m also aware that some of you did all the right things, just like the books say, and now you’re wondering why it didn’t work.)

1. Why so much freedom, money, cars, privacy, free time, video games and electronic devices?

more

Labels: adolescence, culture, Fathers, parenting, religion

posted by Eve at 1:06 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

FATHER'S DAY 2009...

on PostSecret.

Labels: culture, Fathers

posted by Eve at 12:47 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

WILL WOMEN ONE DAY FATHER CHILDREN?: Globe and Mail

feature:

In the new Canadian film The Baby Formula, opening later this week, two lesbians become pregnant using sperm derived from each other's stem cells.

The premise of the mockumentary may be fictional, but with the speed at which stem cell research is evolving, could same-sex human reproduction one day become reality? And should it?

Scientists have already taken the first baby steps toward realizing this brave new, and some would say controversial, world of conception. ...

In 2006, Karim Nayernia of Newcastle University generated sperm from male embryonic stem cells that fertilized female mice and produced offspring. A year later, his team was able to derive primitive sperm from stem cells taken from the bone marrow of human men.

Since then, Dr. Nayernia's group has been working on creating sperm from women's bone marrow stem cells and is expected to report its findings within weeks.

“We are now publishing a paper describing the producing of human sperm in the laboratory,” he says. “It is male, but we have had some success with female.” ...

But Toronto stem cell scientist Andras Nagy isn't so sure.

There would be several biological hurdles to overcome, he says. First and foremost, women's DNA contains two X chromosomes, but no Y (male) chromosome.

“Without the Y chromosome, it's just simply not possible,” Dr. Nagy says. “The other issue here is that females have two X chromosomes and the presence of two X chromosomes in a cell again [blocks] the sperm formation.”

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Labels: Artificial Reproductive Technology, Fathers, reproduction

posted by Eve at 5:18 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

FIVE MYTHS ON FATHER AND FAMILY: W. Bradford Wilcox

at National Review Online:

With Father’s Day almost upon us, expect a host of media stories on men and
family life. Some will do a good job of capturing the changes and continuities
associated with fatherhood in contemporary America. But other reporters and
writers will generalize from their own unrepresentative networks of friends and
family members, try to baptize the latest family trend, or assume that our
society is heading ceaselessly in a progressive direction. So be on the lookout
this week for stories, op-eds, and essays that include these five myths on
contemporary fatherhood and family life.

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Labels: cohabitation, culture, divorce, Fathers, out-of-wedlock births, parenting, W. Bradford Wilcox

posted by Imapp Staff at 4:40 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

GEEK CULTURE NOTES: #1

Camassia on one aspect of the new Star Trek film:

...One interesting little cultural comment buried in the movie comes from the alternate personality of Kirk. In the original timeline, his father was an officer who inspired him to join Starfleet. In the alterna-timeline, his father is killed the day he’s born (not a spoiler, that happens in the first five minutes), and he grows up an undisciplined hellraiser until surrogate father Captain Pike comes along. The assumption that fatherlessness has such a large negative impact on a person is a pretty sharp indictment of Roddenberry’s utopia, especially when you consider the number of fatherless children in the earlier shows and movies (including Kirk’s own).

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Labels: culture, Fathers

posted by Eve at 8:00 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

FATHERHOOD IN BRITISH SOAPS: Yorkshire Post

reports:

It just shows the influence our soap operas are perceived to wield, that researchers have spent many hours studying them to pinpoint what kind of dad is shown to the tens of millions who between them devotedly watch Coronation Street, EastEnders, Emmerdale and Hollyoaks and listen to Radio 4's The Archers each week.

They say that, for every mother who is shown to be the hard-working linchpin of the family (Peggy Mitchell in EastEnders, Deidre Barlow in Coronation Street) there's a dad who is seen to be uninvolved, feckless or inadequate...

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Labels: culture, Fathers

posted by Eve at 8:29 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

THE DAUGHTER-DADDY PROJECT

here:

THE DAUGHTER-DADDY PROJECT is operated by Esther Productions, Inc. a nonprofit– 501 ( c ) 3–tax-exempt organization, based in Washington, D.C. The chairtable, educational, cultural and social-service organization was launched in 2004 by a group of civic-minded professionals. It is dedicated to using a variety of vehicles -traditional and nontraditional- to aid in the development of young people and to enhance the quality of life for poor and udnerserved communities.

The Daughter-Daddy Project focuses on assisting girls and women who are dealing with the devastating consequences of father absence. Further, it also is designed to aid in the reconciliation of daughters and dads who have been separated for whatever reasons.

More than 20 million daughters are growing up today in the United States of America withouth the presence of their biological fathers. The voices of these girls and women are muted; their needs are unmet. Often when addressing the problem of father absence, the emphasis is on father-son relationships. Daughters and daddies receive scant attention. And yet, indisputable evidence indicates that fathers are critical to daughters developing into whole healthy women.

more

Labels: Fathers, fathers and daughters

posted by Eve at 9:09 AM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

Where in the World is Octodad?: Kay Hymowitz

at the Wall Street Journal:

...On first thought, Americans seem really keen on fathers. We fret about the emotional impact of father absence and insist "that responsibility does not end at conception," as then-candidate Barack Obama put it in a memorable speech last Father's Day. We excoriate "deadbeat dads" who fail to pay their share of their children's upbringing; in fact, the stimulus bill adds $1 billion to child-support enforcement. Married fathers who don't step up and share the burdens of diapers and pediatrician appointments are condemned, in the words of one much-discussed book of essays, as "bastards on the couch." After all, the argument goes, a father is just as much a parent as a mother.

Except when we decide he's not, as did Ms. Suleman and her medical enablers. According to media reports, the male friend who provided the sperm for all of Suleman's 14 children had begged her to stop after the first six -- to no avail. Having consented to the use of his sperm, he would have been expected to give up control over the future children created with them. More commonly, sperm banks offer young men who will remain anonymous $200 for a little R&R that they would happily engage in without remuneration; as the Fairfax Cryobank in Virginia has advertised: "Why not do it for money?" Donors -- or, more precisely, sellers -- sign contracts that assure them, contrary to Father's Day rhetoric, that responsibility really does end at conception.

Sperm banks and fertility doctors hardly bear sole responsibility for defining fathers down to chromosome factories. Clearly, donors themselves happily agree to their downgraded status. Their nonchalance is in line with the widespread assumption that we should expand the rubric of "a woman's right to choose" to include not just abortion -- where a woman's decision understandably carries more moral weight than a man's -- to the care of and responsibility for actual children, where it's not at all clear why that should be the case.

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Labels: donor conception, Fathers

posted by Imapp Staff at 12:50 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT

The State Creates Sperm Donors

The new social institution of the anonymous sperm donor is completely the creation of the government. This case from the Supreme Court of Pennsylvania proves that beyond any shadow of a doubt. In this case, a woman asked a friend to donate sperm to her, on the understanding that he would not be a father to the child: he wouldn't ask for visitation or other parental rights, and she woudl not ask for child support. By the time the child was 5 years old, the mother changed her mind and asked for child support. The PA Supreme Court overturned a lower court ruling, and decided that the man did not owe child support. The court ruled that the couple's verbal contract was binding. Bill Duncan posted the case earlier.

This case is interesting because the court's argument makes it very clear that couples could not and would not contract for donor sperm unless they were assured that the state would create a separation between the members of the couple. Given that the state already permits anonymous sperm donation, I think this case is properly decided.

Contrary to the Court's statement, I can think of several good policy reasons why the "would-be mother's reproductive prerogatives" should be curtailed. Children have a natural right to have a relationship with their fathers. The state has no business separating mothers and fathers from each other, and children from their fathers. We should not assume that every woman has a right to have a baby, just because she wants one. And if a woman wants to "seek the sperm of a man she knows and admires," public policy ought to be to encourage her to marry him, not cook up alternative contracts with him that allow them to deconstruct the parental relationship.
I think we should begin having a debate on exactly these questions.

Read my entire post at my personal blog.

Labels: Artificial Reproductive Technology, Fathers, Marriage

posted by Jennifer Roback Morse at 10:56 PM EMAIL SHARE PRINT